martes, 11 de mayo de 2010


Silence, just a few hours apart and I can't even think of the feelings I've ripped apart since everything's gone. I thought this could be renaissance for me, but actually isn't more than deaf words screaming at me and remembering me how weak I am. I wish I could just shut them up, they're senseless, but I must admit I've never felt so weak until now.
Hours are my worst enemies, I can't even realize if I'm dead or I'm still alive...
1,2,3,4,5... I'm still counting, I'm still counting every breath I take, every time I just inhale hopeless... Finally I lay down, I just want to watch the stars as I used to, when I felt free, when I was completely sane. Why cant I just deal with this situation? Hours are burning me and the "tic-tac" is killing me slowly, is tearing me down, so I think, "why I just don't stand up and keep on walking?..." but then I remember that my memories walked away with my feet and I'm no longer able to walk. Then I try to shout, but I just realize my voice was taken away since the day I decided not to listen to my thoughts anymore.
Why so much hate? Why is there so much noise around me when I'm all alone?
...Oh well, I'm not quite sure if I'm alone, I don't really know if I'm just a character created by someone else, I don't even know if I'm living on a dream or if I'm dead. I just know this was supposed to be a new beginning, but it isn't, and it makes me anxious, it makes me weak, it makes me feel I'm here but actually no body listen to me... So now what?
The sky is so dark, the glance of the stars is inspiring, I wish I could scream, I wish I could share my feelings with someone else except from this stupid nature that surrounds me. Nature is gorgeous but it doesn't help my reactions, it doesn't help loneliness... it doesn't help not to think of you.
How long should I wait until someone come and help me? I guess I can stay here and no one will come, because I know nobody will notice I'm missing... I know, I deserve it after all, and that's why I'll stay here waiting for my fate to bring someone that makes me happy, that makes me smile once again and who gives me some hope, but I can't trust my fate at all, so maybe it's better if I stay here... Yes, I'll stay here until I die if it's necessary (or I am already dead?) Anyway, I'll wait here, smoking, drinking, lonely under this dark sky, under these beautiful stars which are my only company, and then, when it rains, I will drink every drop I can until I'm completely drunk, until I regret my feelings, until I regret letting you down at that time until you died, letting you down, when I was the one who was supposed to leave, letting you down knowing how much you needed me to live...

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