martes, 21 de octubre de 2008

+May be Memories+ (R.I.P.F.E)

I don't know how to start this... I'm not good at writing about me in English because sometimes I don't find the words to show all those things I wish I could say, but this time is the time for me to write back to you. We left the book open, we left a flying story just in the air and we didn't really close it... I'm not waiting for you to appear and close the last page of this empty book, our book.
May be if you read this you will understand a lot of things that you didn't understand.
I'm hoping, I'm wanting, but I'm exhausted because I don't know how to say all those things I kept inside me for a long time...
Let's start... it will be a little complicated for me but I'll do my best for you to understand deeply what I want to mean. (Even knowing that you won’t read this)
Well, this may sound like a story, and it was a story, but just for me. As it began it just finished. Anyway I knew it and that's the reason why we just decided to start (I mean when we began). We didn't care about them all, we didn't care about their opinion, but so far we became weak and we confided in each other so much.
I don't know, I'm may be missing you, but may be I'm not. I'm not quite sure about it, I'm not sure about what I feel and what I felt for you, or may be for us. I'm not sure about my actual feelings because you wanted us to split away after a sort of decisions that I didn't notice.
No one knows clearly what I feel now. No one really knows what I felt for you because it was me the one who felt in that moment the most sharp knives cutting my skin and craving inside me.
You know what? I think I loved you and now I'm sorry because I wasn't able to show you how much I loved you, I wasn't the right person to teach you how to love and that makes me feel very weak.
You can't imagine how did I suffer, and sometimes, when I remember all those amazing moments, all those gorgeous but nostalgic images come to me and I just can remember we both having the most amazing moments I've ever had with someone except from me.
May be you don't remember those moments, may be you don't even remember me as the girl of your shattered dreams, of your fake dreams, may be I'm not even part of your past and I'm not very important for you may be just because you don't even remember me.
You may think I never loved you, but that's not true, I loved you as I never loved someone, you can't imagine all the feelings that passed through my mind when I was by your side wanting you above me, wanting you to hold me tight in your arms... Oh honey, don't you remember how happy we were?
Now I'm alone, but I can still say that I still love those happy moments I lived by your side. Sometimes when I remember the last goodbye I feel pretty guilty because I think it was only my fault. I feel stupid, I feel really bad every time I think about those moments we spent together. If I could change the end of our fake story I would change it, I would change it for a never ending story, for a real story and not a fairytale.
You know? Is very difficult for me to write something for you, but finally I decided to write to you after one and almost a half year. Finally I'm here, finally I can give you some words, some memories...
I don't think you'll read this, but I'm not hoping for it... Anyway if someday you find this, I hope you understand all that I've been feeling since the last time I wrote something for you.
I hope you understand all the pain I've been feeling since you just went away from my life, since your speechless words, the ones that made me feel the worst person over the world.
Maybe I deserve it, maybe I'm not a good person and that's the price I have to pay for a little bit of happiness, but after all there was something that made me so happy. Now I know you were very happy after we split apart. You found someone better than me that made you feel very complete, even when I was empty... You found someone that showed you how love works, someone who taught you how to love, how to feel, someone that didn't hurt you as I did.
Now I feel jealous, I know, but I'm happy anyway because she gave you everything I couldn't. I suck, I know, you don't have to say it, but after all, that is what you deserved. You're better than me, you're just amazing and that's the reason why I'm writing this to you. I just want to say thank you, I just want to thank you for giving me those amazing moments, for giving me somehow a reason to smile after I woke up and before I went to sleep. Thanks for your words, thanks for everything, you're just incredible and amazing.
Now I feel as always, empty...
I don't really know how to finish this as always. I hope you're ok wherever you are, I hope everything's ok with you even if you're not with me and by my side... If you care, I'll find my way out, I swear.
Live your never ending story with someone who really deserve it.
This is my last goodbye.